CHASING OUR PARENT’S DREAMS?

Have you ever heard the words: Go and study medicine that will be a better course for You? When in reality you just want to study theatre arts. Perhaps you like acting and that is want you want to study in the higher instution only to be discouraged by your parents or any one significantly in the ‘older than you’ status.

I can say some if not all our parents are on this table. On their defence they are probably thinking about your future and maybe your well-being? If right now you’re studying in the university on a course that you didn’t really want to do, you’re on this table ma. If you’re studying a course that you were told to do and you manufactured an interest like I did? Sir? ma? You’re on this table.

Law Isn’t something I really wanted to do but it became what I ended up doing because I was told from a small age that because I liked talking and debating(I argued a lot and most times I could’ve been wrong) law would be the perfect course for me by an adult(a lot of pastors said this to me too) And that was it for me. Well, till I got to university and I quickly realised that it Isn’t for me. How did I know this? Because all the sections, the talk, the cases(And there are a lot of funny cases) were not for me. So now I’m out of school on the way to transfer to another school in hopes of changing my course. Now the big question is ; What the h*ll am I going to do besides law? The truth is I don’t know? Cause I’ve jumped in this band wagon. Manufactured an interest in said course and I disregarded all the other things I had true passion for and forced myself to develop passion for Law, now I’m on a path of recovery. To know what I’m actually doing(that is, before school starts again☺) . Are you a high school student? Or perhaps you’re already in uni on your first year and you’re having doubts?

These are 5 tips that you’re probably chasing your parent’s dreams instead of yours:

1) When you tell your parents you want to study mass communication because you want to be a news reporter and they tell you medicine is better because you can solve maths. And you’ll get money😊. And you can do other said course as a hobby (design, photography, drama)

2) You finally agree because after all who doesn’t want money? But when you get to school. You can’t seem to stay focused in class? Even if you try to read It’s like your brain Isn’t computing. But it should because It’s just maths. Innit?

3) you finally put all your village people to shame and you now like your course especially that mortuary visit. Dead people are fun aren’t they? But somewhere deep down in you. You know you’re feigning interest but maybe if you try hard enough you might fool yourself into loving it.

4) Your parents call you by your future course title name. ( Doktor Doktor. Barrister daughter) you’re happy that they’re pleased and happy with you but you still fantasize about other said interest although not as passionate as before because you have succeeded in suppressing it because your parents convinced you that It’s not a solid career and you can do it as a hobby na (Singing, dancing, painting).

5) You’ve graduated (congrats?) Now you don’t have time to do your ‘hobby’ because your job takes most of your time and now you’re comfortable with your self so no need to go and rock the stage like wizkid again. (And there’s nothing wrong with that)

OR

You graduate or halfway(maybe after reading this) decide to frame your certificate and give your parents while you fill the application for that 6 months art class you’ve been thinking about

OR

You’re like me that realised in between you’re on the wrong boat. And have no idea what to do now. All I have to say is phew! That was close we almost lost ourselves to conformity but we out here now. Let’s take a break and figure out our various interests and pick the one we can see ourselves doing long term even if a lot of obstacles come our way.

On a more serious note. It’s not a shameful thing to take a break for a little while. Because where are we rushing to anyway? End of the day. We all going to get there but some just arrive earlier than others.

Point is; It’s good to figure out what we really want to do in our careers not what other people wants us to do. Pressure especially comes from our parents who want us to succeed in exactly the way they wish they could have. It’s not just for our careers for our self, for our sanity, for our ever evolving identity of ourselves

Let’s try to live more for ourselves little by little. And if you don’t know how? Follow me in my journey of self-discovery and you just might discover yourself too.

That’s all I’m saying loves.

Advertisements

THE MARKETPLACE

I was hungry, I needed food in my system to start functioning like a normal human again before I could even attempt to script write. I told my uncle who ignored me the first two times; he later agreed because he was hungry, but there was a problem there were no fast food joints or restaurants where we were and honestly I was craving roasted plantain(AKA bole) which I made known to anyone who cared to listen.

Did I mention I was at a state’s office ? I was bored and hungry and my arms were tired. Oh dear, what to do? My aunt suggested we go to a little market under a bridge that sold food and other things. So my uncle and I started the long trek to the market under the bridge.

We had to walk down then take a left then cross the road then something uncompleted building? and we’ll arrive at our destination? These were already too much details for my hungry and tired self but as always I was too tired to argue, I just nodded and my uncle and I were talking and walking towards wherever we thought they told us to go? It was when we got to a hotel that I started asking questions. “I thought they said we should cross the road?” I asked. All these descriptions sef

Anyway long story cut short, We had to go down a hill to get to our destination. We got there and from the outside look of the building you wouldn’t know there was a lot going on inside, The building was teeming with life, the market was inside an unfinished building and the usual chaos that comes with buying and selling was present. Now I hadn’t forgotten about my roasted plantain dreams but I also remembered vaguely that I had been there once with my aunt and the entrance of the building a guy there sold the best mama put type of rice, on my attempt to re direct my steps back to the entrance my uncle was already walking ahead of me after asking a man about where they sold roasted plantain.

We got to a different part of the market; here there was a lot of cooking going on as opposed to the beginning part of the market where it was mostly food ingredients and one cooking place. Here we saw roasted yam instead of plantain and I remembered that roasted yam was my first love and that yam was looking quite sexy

So we bought that.

Anyway this little ‘illegal’ market place as my uncle called it was a place where people bought and sold things for a living. Their livelihood. And every person made sure their space was arranged giving this little market place an organized rural kind of look and I realised I loved it. Everyday i’m reminded that people really work hard to put food on their table, to pay rent for their houses, although they may not pay rents for their spaces in the market. However some things are so for balance in this world; where would the average worker go to eat that tasty amala and egusi? Or rice and stew with kpomo For 250 or 150 naira during their lunch break? And with abuja being so expensive at times who has time to walk to drumstix and buy rice for 600 naira? Because the building is still unfinished I wouldn’t be surprised if there was someone taking a taxing fee of maybe 100 naira or 200 naira, there were a lot of average secretariat workers, police men there. And I asked how then can this place be illegal?(when the roasted yam and sauce is sweet like that? How can it not?) The building had not been completed in probably 1 or 2 years because the market can’t just spring up from nowhere. Right? Or maybe it Can? I don’t know but that roasted yam was delicious and remains the love of my life and her sauce was A1. Trust me when I say you can’t get that sort of spicy sauce in any fancy 5 star hotel or restaurant. Maybe it’s the environment it was made in or bought in that makes all the difference. But it was delicious and I’m definitely taking pictures when I go back there.

And did I mention on the walk back to the office I almost fainted? Dehydration and hunger remains the devil that no one should have to face or maybe I should just start working out more? 😂